Sometimes, I think love is my escape to the troubles that I have. I feel guilty. I go to my boyfriend to forget or delay my problems, just like I read mangas, read novels and follow series... It's just that there are moments when I feel like everything I do in life has been a mistake, and I regret a lot of things and my self-confidence takes a total hit every time something bad happens because it feels like it's my fault. I have no motivation, no self-discipline, poor and fat. And yet, I'm smart but can't figure out my life half the time. I want to be a doctor and yet here I am, 1 subject delayed. I can't find the passion I need. The only motivation I have is preparing for my wedding which I really hope happens next year. I've got enough delays already.
I really want to just travel alone and write - even just for once. I want to do it. I wanna let go of my medical career and do a hobby garden. T_T
I will be a doctor! I will speed up the medical services in the provinces! - or so I thought. But right now my mind is filled with house repairs and growing tomatoes.
I feel that once I've found my passion, I would just get on and live it, the thing is, I haven't changed. I'm still as capricious as ever. Always wanting to be the hero, but still a spoiled brat. Being so dependent on others and still can't figure out her life, even at 27 years old. I wanna travel alone for a while and see how I've changed, see where I want to be. Just get away to know what I want in life. I just wanna go somewhere.
