So shut up and let me love you

So I say, "Fine. Let's me friends" but my mind was saying, "I love you so shut up and let met me wait for you."

I'm stubborn and proud
But more than the damage to my pride
My heart feels the stabs of a thousand knives
Your body language tells me what I already know
that you've accepted letting me go,
that you've quelled the passion
And maybe even the love...

I miss you and seeing you,
revived the hurt and pain
But ignoring you was more painful
So let me love you in my silent way
And even  if it hurts,
I guess as friends we'll stay.

Until When

On the ballroom, our eyes suddenly met. After weeks of ignoring you, I know I just can't handle being in the same room as you. I wonder... until when... until when will my feelings decide to let go of you.

Happy Birthday

Beloved,

Time may have parted us before, and pride may be the reason why I'm ignoring you now. Still, I know you know that I haven't forgotten your birthday. had we been together, I would have said I love you. That it has been a blessing knowing you and being part of your life. I watched you as you had let God took over. I was there when you decided to go learn and be a pastor. I felt your sadness when a close family friend died and I shed a tear for the sadness that you might feel. I heard you express your dreams and ambitions. I felt your enthusiasm as you shared your hopes for the church. I sat by the phone as you talked about being a Bible translator and tried encouraging you when I felt you need a push. On your birthday, I would have wanted to call you up at 11:59 and greet you first, alas I decided it would be best to just forget it and move on.

Happy birthday, you may not have heard me say it but I whispered it to the sky. My words, my wishes, my kisses. God bless you in your endeavors and may He encourage you and give you strength. As you walk your own path may you always keep humble and open minded. I believe that you are destined for something great. Maybe not great according to human standard, but great in the eyes of God. May you  be healthy and gain weight when you get back. In one way or another and despite the pain, I feel blessed that I was able to know you and discover parts of that life with you. You showed me things that I might not be willing to see by myself. You were with me in trials that I needed a shoulder with. Thank you. Thank you for being alive. Thank you for being the love of my life (even if that part is over). Thank you Lord for everything that you are.

I watch the sun rise as I write this letter and I wonder if you will get to read it. And I wish someday, I can still watch that sun rise with you. And maybe by that time the wound has healed that when I see you, as a friend or as a lover, there will no more pain and I can laugh with you and smile with you wholeheartedly.

God bless you as you celebrate another year on this Earth!

Love,
B

Hindi kita pipigilan

Sa ilalim ng punong Mangga

nakaukit pa ang ala-ala

Mga sinabi mo

at sinabi ko

dumating sa punto

na ayaw ko nang maniwala

sa mga paliwanag mo

Let's get things straight

ikaw ang nang iwan

ikaw ang gustong umalis

huwag mong sabihin

na tayong manatiling kaibigan

dahil ang hirap

Wala man lang pangako para bukas

walang pangakong mapanghahawakan

walang mahanap na gamot

sa pusong nasugatan

at kahit gusto ko nang magpa-alam

May nagpipigil pa rin

dahil gusto kong pang umasa

na babalik ka sa aking piling

Kahit sabihin ko sa aking isip

sabi ng puso ko na maghintay

~ random stuff happening in my life lately and the songs I'm listening to.

~ Tagalog poem? Achievement unlocked. Hahaha!!!